Hey World,
Sad note today: Well, I am a visual person. I remember everything I see and learn that way. So, I might not remember a lot of thought, conversations or words but I will remember events I see. So when I relieve those memories of the past I still feel them as if they were yesterday! I can’t get that yucky feeling in the bottom of my stomach out. And what bites the most is that my mind bombards me with my past sad memories. So, I might suddenly get a bad memory and feel like crap in seconds. Or I might tell my self how stupid I was for doing something, I may of done years ago. I bring my self down. So right now I’m having a major moment. I thought I’d share.
Here is what happen. A friend of mine talked to me about her brother becoming a psychologist right. I was friends with her brother as well. The guy was a great guy however, this guy (the brother) was a little self centered and really focus on himself it seemed. His family obviously treated him as the most important in the family. I felt that his sister got the short end of the stick, ya know. She worked so hard and he didn’t even praise her while she praise him all the time even to her friends. It was all about how great he was. So I (here is where I put my foot in my mouth) told her that if he wanted to be a psychologist he need to learn to stop talking about himself and start listening to people around him. People avoided him because it was usually him talking about himself or his thoughts on things. Never letting people put in their two cents. And that he should really just listen to people. Yeah, I really did it. I totally buried my self. At that moment I didn’t even think twice and didn’t even feel bad about it. Cause I’m one of those honest people, that say it like it is. She told him, that I talked about him behind his back and that I talked smack about him the whole school. And that I hatted his guts and so on. So, mister thing comes up to me during lunch and tells me something along the lines of, “good thing you are a great friends, cause you wouldn’t be talking behind my back.” something like that. I felt cold shivers go down my back and for the first time I thought about what I had said and looked at his sister. I was like, what exactly did you tell him. Well, she made it seem, as I said before, that I talked bad behind his back, he was a bad guy and that I hatted him. Yeah, So as the days went one this guys proceeded to tell everyone in the school about how I was such a back stabber and that I talked smack about him to everyone. Yeah, a lot of people started to come up to me to tell me, “hey this dude is saying stuff about you and how you talk bad about him. Just letting you know, cause I never heard anything from you.” Even people that didn’t like me were coming up to my defense and letting me know that he was talking bad about me. So in the end he was talking more about it than I. I mean I didn’t spreed it around (obviously) I just said it to a friend I thought I trusted and at that moment thought she would understand. I guess it hard to judge a person and their true character. That’s high school for you.
However, I still would of love to go back in time and shut my mouth. Maybe, shared my opinion to my bff’s and not a good friend that I once thought would be a good candidate for a bff. That way I could of avoided the whole drama of my senior year and not be feeling the same misery of that moment ( the whole this is the end of the world and nothing can be worser than this feeling). But as they say, “What doesn’t kill you, make you stronger!” If only I can delete this memory or at least decrease the feeling to like zero, right.
Call Me Chely 